


Don't Worry About Me (Baby, We'll be Fine)

by bangyababy



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Adoption, Bickering, Conflict Resolution, Family Dynamics, Fatherhood, Fluff and Angst, Internal Conflict, Introspection, M/M, Marital Issues, POV Draco Malfoy, Pregnant Harry Potter, Self-Esteem Issues, Some Humor
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-07-10
Updated: 2018-07-10
Packaged: 2019-05-04 19:28:04
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 5,476
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14600088
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/bangyababy/pseuds/bangyababy
Summary: “Well, I’m sure that you heard a lot of times with male pregnancy the body just isn’t ready or is too stressed.”“I guess I’m not stressed anymore,” Harry told him with a small smile.“Well, I am,” Draco blurted out.Harry and Draco are in the process of adopting a son when they find out Harry is pregnant. Harry is ecstatic, but Draco can't stop worrying about how he's supposed to be a good father to two children when he can't even figure out how do it for one.





	Don't Worry About Me (Baby, We'll be Fine)

**Author's Note:**

> So this was for prompt number 21 by Kikimay which was "While finally expecting their first biological child, Draco and Harry have the chance to adopt a baby." which I kind of flipped around, so hope that's okay. I have a lot of feels about this prompt but I'll wait until the end to pour them out.  
> Thanks so much to Maesterchill for the beta and to the mods for hosting this!

Draco woke to sounds of someone retching. His hand immediately sought out Harry but it predictably came up empty. Sitting up as quickly as he could manage with sleep still slowing his bones, he reached out for his wand and flicked on the lights. 

Draco made his way to the bathroom where Harry was hovering over the toilet, clutching himself. Draco went over and rubbed his back, Harry sagging into him. 

“What happened?” Draco asked after Harry was done vomiting the entirety of his digestive tract. 

“I threw up,” Harry said dumbly and Draco rolled his eyes. 

“Yes, but why? Did you eat the entire bag of Lindor Truffles again?” 

“No…” Harry drew out, and Draco pinched him lightly. “I left you two.”

“Thanks ever so,” Draco replied. 

“I don’t know, I didn’t eat anything weird today. Maybe I’m just coming down with something?”

Draco nodded, idly stroking Harry’s hair away from his face. “Well, why don’t you take a nausea potion and in the morning you can go see the healer.” 

“I don’t need—” Harry started, but Draco cut him off.

“I don’t care. You’re going, you woke me up in the middle of the night with the sounds of your sick and I’m going to damn well find out _why._ ”

“You are such a loving husband,” Harry chuckled. 

“I truly I am. In fact, I deserve an award,” Draco said, pulling Harry to his feet. “A big gold trophy that says ‘Most Loving and Amazing Husband’ in Copperplate script.” He pushed an open potion bottle into Harry’s hand. 

“I was thinking more Comic Sans or Papyrus.” Harry knocked the potion back with a grimace. 

“It’s like you’re trying to hurt me.” 

“I would never,” Harry said sickly sweet. He turned on the tap and filled his hands with water. Just as his cupped hands were in front of him Draco smacked his arm causing water to splash all over. “Draco,” Harry spluttered. 

“Good night, you troll.” 

Harry grinned at Draco’s retreating back. “Love you too.”

The next day Draco was in a meeting with a potential client when his secretary came in looking completely unapologetic for interrupting them. 

“I told you not to interrupt us,” Draco hissed at Astoria when she finally got him outside. 

Astoria regarded him with a cool look. “Your husband called.” 

“So what did he want that was so important that you had to interrupt my meeting?” 

“He said to meet him at St. Mungo’s.” 

Draco moved instantly, telling her to make excuses to the client as he gathered more Floo Powder than was necessary in his haste. He was gone in a flash of flames before Astoria could even confirm what he had said. 

“Ah, Mr. Malfoy,” a nurse greeted as soon as he had stepped up to the desk. “I’ll take you to your husband and Healer Johnson.” She stood up and ushered him towards the private ward. He had never been more grateful to be married to a war hero. 

“Is he…?” Draco didn’t want to even finish the thought. 

“He’s not in any immediate danger,” the nurse interrupted. “It’s best to let the healer explain.” 

Draco nodded and followed the nurse down the hall, willing himself to relax. Whatever was wrong with Harry, he would need Draco to be strong. 

When the nurse opened the door Harry turned to him with bright nervous eyes. 

“Draco,” he exhaled, reaching out. Draco came forward and Harry got off the exam table to hug him. 

“Harry, what’s going on?” Harry pulled back to look at him, a watery smile on his face. He said Draco’s name once before bursting into tears. Draco realised after a moment the sobs were interlaced with laughter. “Harry?” Draco asked again, shooting a helpless look at the healer he was just realising was there. 

Harry tried again. “I—We—I’m going to—” was all he managed to say before devolving into weepy laughs again. 

Finally, Healer Johnson took pity on him and stepped forward, a small smile playing on her lips. “I think what your husband is trying to tell you is he’s expecting.”

Draco was glad Harry was clinging on to him so tightly because he wasn’t sure he would stay upright otherwise. 

“I thought that—”

“So did I!” Harry interrupted. 

“But how did—?” 

“Well, you should know, you were there,” Harry laughed and Draco snorted. 

Healer Johnson cut in, “As I understand you two have been trying to conceive for awhile?” At Draco’s nod, she continued. “Well, I’m sure that you heard a lot of times with male pregnancy the body just isn’t ready or is too stressed.” 

“I guess I’m not stressed anymore,” Harry told him with a small smile. 

“Well, I am,” Draco blurted out and Harry and Healer Johnson laughed. Draco looked between the two and felt his soul leave his body for a moment. Here Harry was _growing a person inside of his stomach_ and they were laughing. Of course, Draco knew that this was normal, that he had agreed to this, had wanted this, but now that it was actually happening he somehow couldn’t reconcile the fact that it was happening. 

“Draco, are you okay?” 

Draco snapped back to Harry who was looking up at him with his eyebrows furrowed. And somehow it hit him again all at once. Harry was pregnant. Harry was pregnant with his child and they were going to have a baby. A real live baby that screamed and cried, and laughed and they were going to be responsible for its entire being. Draco leaned down and kissed the spot between Harry’s brows. “I’m just a little overwhelmed,” Draco admitted. 

“Understandable,” Harry told him, relaxing into his arms. “I was a little shocked, too. I made them run the test a few times.” 

“Seven,” Healer Johnson supplied. Harry peered around Draco to give her a look and Draco chuckled. 

“Yes, anyway, seven times, but I-I had to be sure.” 

Draco nodded and pulled away to look at Healer Johnson. “How far along is he? Does he need to start taking potions now? Can we still have sex?” 

“Draco!” Harry swatted his arm but Healer Johnson only smiled at them. 

“Why don’t we head to my office and we can go over things there, hm?” She opened the door and ushered them out. 

Draco didn’t understand any of the words that Healer Johnson was saying. He knew intelligently what the words meant, but when she put them together they lost all semblance of meaning. His mind was too busy running potential disaster scenarios. What if the baby had allergies? What if he dropped it? What if a comet fell out of the sky and hit their house? Thankfully, he was an expert at looking engaged and Harry did most of the talking.

When they were finally home, Draco dropped down on to the couch to write Astoria a quick note, half listening to Harry. 

“And wait until we tell Ben,” Harry called from the kitchen and Draco started. 

“What?” 

“I said wait until we tell Ben,” Harry repeated coming into the living room and moulding himself to Draco’s side. 

Benjamin Sharpe was a seven-year-old orphan at the orphanage Harry had started after the war. Ben wasn’t a war orphan in the sense that his parents were killed in the war, he was too young for that, but his parents did die because of it. His father was taken by a rogue Death Eater and his mother by depression. He had come to the orphanage when he was five.

It was about this time that Harry had decided to quit the Aurors and take a more active role in the orphanage. He initially did a lot of behind the scenes work but found it was even more tedious than Auror desk warming. So, he had taken a few childcare courses and moved out to the main rooms. On his first day out, he saw Ben punch an older boy in the face for teasing his friend. Harry was instantly smitten. Draco said it was because Ben was a mini-Harry. 

“What exactly are we telling Ben?” Draco asked slowly. 

Harry pulled back to look at him in the eye. “That he’s going to have a sibling,” he answered in the same tone. 

Draco instantly realised his mistake. It wasn’t that Draco had been against adoption, he was just never as excited about it as Harry had been, which of course translated to into Harry thinking he was doing it out of obligation. They’d had a few fights about it, but Draco had been able to convince Harry that he wanted to adopt Ben just as much as him. But clearly the fear still lingered.

“I mean, do you think he’ll be…okay with that?” Draco deflected. 

“Oh…I hadn’t thought about that.” Harry went back to leaning on Draco’s shoulder and pulled a pamphlet out of his pocket. “I mean, he knows we love him, so of course it will take some getting used to, but I’m sure it’ll be fine.”

“Right,” Draco said absently. 

The thing was Draco wasn’t entirely certain about his relationship with Ben. He knew that he cared about Ben. Was he healthy? Happy? Doing well in school? But he felt that his affection was more that of a distant uncle, not a father. Everytime Ben and he went out on an outing alone it he felt inordinately tense. And of course, Ben felt it, too. Kids picked up on stuff like that like blood in water. 

But as it was, both Draco and Ben had made an unspoken agreement to never let on to Harry how superficial their relationship actually was. Ben was smart like that, Draco had noted. 

“How about Friday? I want to see the healer a few more times before we tell anyone, just to be sure.” 

“What?”

“Draco, are you sure you’re okay?” 

“Yeah, just still taking it all in,” Draco assured him. 

“I said, how about we tell Ben Friday,” Harry repeated moving off the couch at the sound of the kettle. “When can you stop by?”

“Anytime. I told Astoria we’re taking the week off.” 

“Great,” Harry called out. “You can just come with me in the morning then.” Draco groaned. Harry got up at an unholy hour to go to work. “We can spend the day together.”

“Don’t lie to me, Harry! You’re going to leave me with the two-year-olds and go off to teach kids how to fly!” 

Harry came back in grinning with a tea tray floating behind him. “Of course I am.” He pecked Draco on the cheek. “They have a thing for your wit.”

“More like my willingness to transfigure everything into a bouncy surface,” Draco snorted. 

“Tires them out, though,” Harry replied. 

“They are kind of fun,” Draco conceded. “When they aren’t getting snot all over themselves.” 

“And now we get to have our own little snotty baby to bounce off the walls.” 

The elated look on Harry’s face was almost enough to quell Draco’s rising panic. “Yeah, we do.” He leaned over and gave him a kiss, hoping Harry didn’t notice how worried he was. 

When they were getting ready for bed that night Harry brought up the subject of names. 

“We really lucked out with Ben, he came with one,” Draco joked. 

“Yes, being an orphan is so lucky.” 

Draco rolled his eyes. “You know what I meant. Although, it is a shame his name is so ridiculously common. Our child should have a strong name, nothing like John, or Harry, or _Steve._ ” 

“First of all my name is Harry,” Harry cut in but Draco pressed on.

“A strong name like, like Cepheus or Armand.” 

“Seriously? You want to name our child Syphilis?” Draco threw a pillow at him. “Excuse me, I’m pregnant!” Harry threw himself on the bed with dramatic flourish. “You have to be nice to me until the day I die now.” 

“Fuck off, Harry,” Draco laughed, getting into bed. “I got you pregnant, so shouldn’t you be nice to me?” 

Harry picked his head up to glare down at Draco. “Oh, because getting your dick wet was a lot of work, was it?” 

“Merlin, you’re going to be insufferable about this, aren’t you?”

“I did not _die_ , and then heroically _come back to life_ , defeat the greatest _dark lord on earth_ , marry the world’s biggest prick and then grow a tiny person in my body to be denied the right to be insufferable.” 

“You’re mad,” Draco said with affection. 

“True,” Harry replied, pulling himself up so that his face was level with Draco’s. “That’s why I married you.” 

“I thought you married my prick?” 

Harry laughed and kissed him. “That and your money.” 

“Well, this is awkward, seeing as I definitely married you for your money,” Draco said, reaching between them and slipping his hands into Harry’s pants. 

“Ooh, that is awkward. Guess we’ll have to get divorced now.” He bucked his hips into Draco’s hand. 

“It’s for the best, really, I’ve grown accustomed to a certain lifestyle.” Draco peppered kisses to Harry’s neck. 

“But what of the children?” Harry moaned. 

“I didn’t think of that,” Draco said, his hand moving faster. “How about I seduce some old rich bastard, and when he dies and leaves me his fortune we get back together?” 

“Knew you were a Slytherin for a reason,” Harry panted. 

“Don’t you forget it,” Draco murmured. After that, the only noises that could be heard in the room were moans and the tell-tale slap of skin against skin. 

When Harry had fallen asleep Draco got out of bed careful not to wake him and went into the study. 

He pulled out a leather bound book and sat down in the chair. His hands rested on the outside for a few sobering moments before opening the book. His own infant face stared back at him, blinking and smiling with the carefreeness that all babies have. He flipped to the next page, a photo of his mother holding him, while his father stood behind, hand on Narcissa’s shoulder, looking serious, but proud. 

He continued on through the book, finding much more of the same. In not one picture did Lucius Malfoy hold Draco. As he got older, his mother’s hands would rest on his shoulders and his father still stayed behind her. 

Draco actually remembered the last time his father hugged him. It was his sixth birthday and his parents had gotten him a Muggle chemistry set he’d been moaning about since Christmas. He knew Lucius was against because of the word ‘Muggle’ but Draco guessed he or his mother must have worn him down. They were sitting on a couch in the library, just before nap time, when his parents decided to give him a gift before his party that night. 

When Draco had opened it he’d been so excited that he had launched himself into his father’s arms without warning. Lucius had been caught off guard, and awkwardly patted Draco on the back while Draco shrieked his thanks in his ear. Even when Lucius had tried to stand up Draco had clung fast. He must have looked at Narcissa for help, but she only laughed. Lucius ended up carrying Draco upstairs for his nap, rather than having a house elf take him. 

After that Draco had only received claps on the shoulder or handshakes. Draco closed the book and set it to the side with a sigh. How was he supposed to tell Harry he wasn’t sure he could be a father? 

 

 

They spent the next few days in and out of Healer offices with Harry being checked with every medical spell in existence, and Draco mainly there for moral support. Anytime anyone addressed Draco directly it was just to congratulate him or tell him to “take care of that husband of his.” Which worked out well for Draco, considering anytime he learned about a new miracle of childbirth he felt a live-wire weight settle in his stomach. 

Harry didn’t seem to mind though, he asked a lot of questions about what to expect and every once in awhile he would shoot Draco a grin when a test came back with a good result. He was already about two and a half months along, and altogether healthy so the Healers weren’t too concerned about complications at this point. 

Harry had already started to absently stroke his belly, especially whenever someone mentioned the word baby in his presence. Draco had to admit it was kind of adorable.

True to his word, when Friday rolled around Harry left Draco alone with the toddlers almost immediately. 

“They all fall down!” Five little voices screeched before they threw themselves to the ground with hurricane-like force. They shrieked with laughter as their bodies hit the floor. It was definitely a good thing Draco cast a cushioning charm on the reading carpet otherwise there would be some broken bones. 

“Again, again!” a little girl yelled, grabbing Draco by the hand and almost yanking him down to the ground. “Please, Dayco, again!” 

“Alright, Aileen, since you asked so nicely,” Draco conceded with a small smile. This part wasn’t so bad. When you had a child that was entertained, they were pretty easy to deal with. 

Draco let them play a few more rounds before they got too tired and then read them a story. By the time that was over it was music time, and Jessica came in to take over. Draco gave her a grateful smile and went out to find Harry. He was in the back garden of the building playing Muggle football with the older kids. 

“Gonna play a round?” Harry called as soon as he spotted Draco. 

“Absolutely not,” Draco replied and Harry laughed. Draco saw Ben turn around and give him a small wave. Draco waved back and gave him a thumbs up. He immediately felt like an ass, but Ben just grinned and turned back to the game. 

When the game was finally over Harry jogged over and gave Draco a loud and sloppy kiss on the cheek. 

“Ewwww!” the kids groaned and Harry laughed. 

“Alright everyone, go get cleaned up for lunch,” Harry told them. The kids all filed in and Harry and Draco lingered behind for a while. 

“Should you be playing so hard in your condition?” Draco asked. 

Harry rolled his eyes. “Draco, I’m the ref, I barely did anything.” 

“Except get all sweaty.”

“Except that,” Harry agreed and shoved his face into Draco’s neck. 

“Gross,” Draco said, pushing him off. 

“Shall we tell Ben after lunch?” 

“Oh.” Draco’s face tightened. “Yes, of course.” 

Harry looked up at him with knitted brows. “Are you alright?” 

“Yes, just a little nervous,” he answered. 

It was only a half lie. True, he was nervous. He’d been nervous since Harry had asked him about adopting Ben. But now he wasn’t sure he wanted to tell Ben at all. It was going to be hard enough to raise one kid, but now that there was two and one was going to be an infant? Shouldn’t they talk about this a little more? How was Harry not freaking out at the idea of being responsible for two whole other lives? Two lives that they could permanently fuck up. Shouldn’t they try with one first before they moved on to two?

“Draco?” Draco’s attention snapped back at Harry who was giving him a hard look. “Draco, if something is wrong you need to tell me.” 

“No, it’s nothing,” Draco said. He could get over this. He was just a little anxious was all. “Come on, let’s go eat.” Harry looked at him for a moment longer before allowing himself to be ushered inside.

Meal times were always a chaotic affair at the orphanage. It was loud and messy and usually at least one child ended up crying. Today was no different and Draco welcomed the distraction. He realised Harry and he should have probably talked about what exactly they were going to say to Ben. How did you say to the child you were about to adopt that they were going to have a new sibling to compete for attention with?

Harry pulled Draco and Ben aside when lunch was finally over and they went to the common room. 

“Hiro says that Ninja Turtles would totally lose to the Power Rangers in a fight, but I don’t think so,” Ben was saying as they sat down. 

“Yeah, why’s that?” Harry asked. 

“Because the Ninja Turtles have really hard shells,” Ben said as if it were the most obvious thing. 

“Well, you got me there,” Harry laughed. “But they also have super soft flesh.” 

Draco really couldn’t keep up with the conversation, but he knew they were talking about some Muggle children’s characters. 

“Doesn’t matter though, because a wizard superhero would beat them all.” Ben nodded. 

“I don’t think there are any wizard superheroes,” Harry replied. 

“Well, that’s not true,” Draco cut in. “You’re a wizard superhero.” Harry snorted. 

Suddenly Ben jumped up into a fighting pose. “I’m going to be a wizard superhero, too! You can teach me, right?” 

Harry laughed and pulled Ben towards him. “Of course, but first, Draco and I need to tell you something.” 

“Sure,” Ben said and plopped onto the couch. “Did my papers go through?” 

It was true that Harry Potter could have picked a child off the street and taken them home as his own and no one would have batted an eyelash. But Harry had insisted on doing things the _proper_ way which meant bureaucracy and paperwork that Draco mainly was left with even though Harry knew way more about adoption than he did. But paperwork was paperwork and as such the adoption was taking longer than expected. Now, Draco wasn’t sure that was really a bad thing. 

“Oh, uh, no not yet, but hopefully real soon.” Harry smiled and put his hand on Ben’s knee and took Draco’s hand with his other. “It’s something else. You see Ben, Draco and I are going to have a baby.” 

Ben blinked. He looked from Draco to Harry and back and forth again, then looked down at his lap. “Oh, okay,” he said after a few moments. 

“Ben, are you okay?” Draco asked once he realised that Harry wasn’t going to.

Ben nodded, his face scrunched up in concentration and Draco realised he was trying not to cry. “Yeah…it’s nice, you get to have your own baby,” Ben said. 

Harry pulled his hand away from Draco’s leg and gathered Ben into his arms. “Ben, we already have our own baby. You’re our baby.” 

Ben let himself be picked up but said, “I’m not a baby.” 

“No, we know,” Harry said pulling back. “But you’re still our kid if you want to be, that is.” 

Now Draco was worried Harry was going to cry. Before the dam broke, a worker came and called out to Harry. 

“Shit,” Harry whispered and Ben gasped. “Sorry,” he said sheepishly. He kissed Ben on the forehead and told them he’d be right back. 

“I can tell him no,” Ben said after Harry had left. 

Draco started. “What?” 

“Harry,” Ben clarified. “I can tell him I don’t want to be your kid.” 

Draco sat back, too stunned to speak for a moment. As far as he knew Ben adored Harry and obviously vice-versa. There was only two possible explanations: either Ben really didn’t want to have a new sibling or he thought Draco didn’t want him. He didn’t know which one he hoped it was, to be honest.

“Is that what you want?” Draco asked slowly. 

“It’s what you want,” Ben said by way of answer.

“Ben, I-” but Draco didn’t get to finish what he was going to say because Harry came back in. 

“Sorry, sorry, just a little mix up with some delivery schedule,” Harry said making his way back over to them. “Anyway, what were we talking about?”

“Your new baby,” Ben said. 

“Oh, right,” Harry said pulling Ben onto his lap. “Look, I know it may seem like now we’ve got a little one on the way we’re going to forget about you, but I promise that isn’t in the case. We love you and we want you to come home with us. But Ben, if you really don’t want that, we would be very sad, but we would understand.” 

Ben glanced at Draco. “Can I think about it?” he asked. 

Draco didn’t know if he had ever seen anything more heartbreaking than this. Ben was seven years old, and he was giving him an out. And the look on Harry’s face as he choked out an “Of course,” was enough to shatter it into pieces. God, Draco was such a fuck-up. How could he raise a child like this? 

After a few minutes Ben asked to go back to join the others. Harry fell back into the couch and pushed his palms into his eyes, but it didn’t stop the tears from coming. 

“Harry,” Draco said gently, reaching for him. 

Harry recoiled. “What did you say to him?” Harry spat. 

“I didn’t say anything,” Draco hissed, still trying to grab on to Harry. Everything was falling apart and it was his fault but maybe if he could hold onto Harry he could fix this. He needed Harry to know he was going to fix this. 

“Then you did something,” Harry accused, refusing to let Draco touch him. “You never wanted him in the first place and now you’re trying to get rid of him. I bet you don’t even want this baby!” Draco reeled back. Harry might as well hit him with a Cruciatus for as much as that hurt. Harry continued, almost hysterical. “I should have known better with you.”

Tears pricked at the back of Draco’s eyes but he refused to let them fall. He stood with stiff movements and let out a shaky breath. “I’m going home.” 

Harry didn’t say anything as Draco apparated away. 

Draco didn’t end up going home, instead he went to the Manor. 

“Draco,” his mother greeted, as if he were expected. But once she got a good look at his face she straightened up. “What’s happened?” Draco couldn’t help it, he knew it was pathetic, a grown man crying just from needing his mother’s comfort. “Oh, my darling,” Narcissa cooed pulling Draco into her arms. Draco buried his face into her neck, trying to block out the shame and guilt of needing her. Of being weak. 

“Come sit down and tell me what’s wrong.” She ushered him to the settee. She urged him to lie down while she stroked his hair and waited for him to calm down. 

Draco picked at the fabric of Narcissa’s dress for several long moments before he found his voice. “Harry’s pregnant,” he whispered with a pang of guilt. Harry wanted to tell everyone together at a party this weekend. 

“Well, I would say that’s wonderful news, but clearly it’s not.” 

“No, it is,” Draco clarified. “I’m happy, we’ve wanted a child for so long and now he’s pregnant, but there’s also Ben.” 

Narcissa’s hands stilled in his hair for a moment. “What of Ben?”

“Do you know what he said to me today when we told him?” Draco asked, sitting up to look his mother in the eye. “He said that he would tell Harry not to adopt him if I wanted him to. He thinks I don’t want him. And why wouldn’t he? I can barely talk to him about anything other than the weather and school. How fucked up is that?”

“Draco,” Narcissa said and Draco murmured an apology. “While I don’t appreciate the language, that’s not what I meant. But you mean to tell me you don’t feel a connection with Ben at all?”

Draco shook his head. “I do, it’s just…I don’t know how to talk to him. I don’t want to say the wrong thing and I don’t know, hurt him or something.”

Narcissa took Draco’s hand in hers very gently, her tone just as soft, “Don’t you think what you’re doing now isn’t hurting him?” 

“I-I didn’t really think about that until today,” Draco admitted. “I thought it was okay that he had Harry and I was there, too, if he needed me. But then he told Harry he would think about coming home with us now that there’s a new baby on the way and Harry was so angry with me. He thought I said something to Ben.”

“He’s just hurting Draco, I’m sure he didn’t mean it.” 

“Even if I didn’t say something to Ben, it doesn’t matter because it’s still my fault.” Draco pulled away and buried his head in his hands. “I just didn’t want to mess this up but somehow I made it worse than I could have ever imagined and I don’t even have any children yet.” 

“Draco, everyone is scared when they have children. No one knows what they’re doing really. But you can’t let your fear of failing as a parent stop you from parenting at all. You’re going to make mistakes.” Draco peeked up at her and the next words came out paper-thin, “I know your father and I have.” 

“Mother.” Draco hugged her and suddenly the tears were back, but this time he wasn’t the only one crying. 

After tea, his mother sent him on his way, told him to go speak with Harry and tell him how he was really feeling. But Draco couldn’t bring himself to go home just yet, he wasn’t sure if he was ready to admit another fault to Harry. He ended up in Muggle London perusing the shops. He knew a gift wouldn’t make up for the way he had reacted, but it wouldn’t hurt either. Hopefully. 

As soon as he came in the front door Harry was crowding him into it. 

“Where have you been?” Harry croaked, eyes red and cheeks blotchy from crying. Draco set his bag down on the hall table and Harry’s eyes tracked it. “You went _shopping_?” 

“Not initially, no.”

Harry spoke over him. “If you think some little gift is going to make me forget how you’ve been acting-”

“It’s not for you,” Draco interrupted. Harry’s eyes almost bulged out of his head. Draco pulled the contents from the bag and handed them to Harry. “They’re for Ben.”

Harry flipped the comic books over in his hands and looked up at Draco with questioning eyes. “Dr. Strange?”

“He’s a wizard superhero,” Draco explained.

Harry made a choked noise and Draco could see he was holding back a fresh wave of tears. He took the books from Harry and put them away. Maybe a gift had been a mistake after all. 

Without warning, Harry wrapped his arms around Draco’s waist. “Draco,” he said to his chest. “What’s going on? You’ve been acting weird since we found out I was pregnant. I thought you wanted this, wanted a family, but if you don’t you need to tell me now.” 

“I do,” Draco whispered. 

“Then what’s the problem?” 

“You were so happy about the baby and Ben and you’re just so ready, and you’re going to be such a good dad. And I want to have a family, I promise, but I’m scared I won’t be a good father,” Draco admitted and Harry pulled away to look at him. 

“That’s it?” 

Draco quirked a brow. “Yes, Harry, that’s it.” 

“You idiot.” Harry let out a dry laugh. “We’re both idiots. You think I’m not scared? Draco, I’m fucking terrified.”

“You are?”

“Of course! I didn’t exactly have the best parental figures to look up to. I have no idea what I’m doing, we’ve got one partially grown kid and there’s a baby growing in my stomach and I didn’t even think that was possible for the first 20 years of my life.” He took Draco’s face in his hands. “But even though I’m scared I know that if I do this with you, we’re going to be okay.” 

Harry leaned up and kissed Draco with such feeling that Draco felt weak from it. “I’m sorry about what I said earlier,” Harry whispered when they pulled away. 

“I’m sorry I’ve been such a mess,” Draco whispered back. 

“Draco?”

“Yeah?”

“I think you’re going to an amazing dad.” For the first time, Draco let himself believe it. 

Sixth and a Half Months Later

Harry gave birth to a seven pound screaming baby boy with green eyes and a full head of downy blond hair. Draco was the first to hold him, and felt just as he did when they brought Ben home- that he would wage war for this child. They even let Ben choose his name. 

He chose Stephen.

**Author's Note:**

> So, I wanted this to be so much more than it was, but somehow I couldn't find the right words (ironic?). I really wanted more Ben time, but ultimately I wanted to explore the fear that becoming a parent brings and Draco struggling with how to be a good father when he didn't have one himself, a fear that I've had too many times (though, I'm not a parent yet). Hopefully, some of that resonated.
> 
> Come say hey on [tumblr](http://bangyababy.tumblr.com/).


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